Time After Time

(August 29, 2007)

That familiar song once again lulled my weary heart and body into a state of tranquility as my entire being felt numb in the arms of this coldness enveloping me.

"Lying in bed, I hear the clock tick and think of you..."

You are the sun that illuminated the darkness of my world. You are the warmth that embraces me as my entire existence faded into oblivion. My entire being revolves around you, rotates about you. This must be the longest night of my life. My mind kept on wandering as I tightly shut my eyes to take the deepest slumber leading me to eternity.

"Watching through windows, confusion is nothing new..."

My hands reach to wipe the glass pane serving as a portal to a vision of your face. But they remain numb and stiff despite my effort. If only I could touch your face and plant a kiss on those silent lips of yours. Yet, I content myself watching you from afar, with my eyes shedding tears for a man I have long dreamt of and fantasized. All that remains is the blur picture of a memory that only I hold. These brine wells serve as my only solace to that melancholic, empty feeling slaving my heart.

"Sometimes you picture me, I'm walking too far ahead. You're calling to me I can't hear what you've said..."

Echoes from a distant past keep haunting my almost sedated being. What were the things you wanted to tell me? What were those things that you wanted to say? You tried to chase me but I am far too remote to be reached. Were you trying to explain or were you just trying to console me after learning the bitter taste of rejection?

"You said, go slow. I fall behind..."

Perhaps, I rushed myself into falling in love. I never thought of the consequences, frustrations, tears and worst -- reality. Its venomous fangs got over me as it slowly poisoned the crimson flowing within me. I knew from the very start that destiny is setting us apart. Yet, love can be stupid and blind for its own selfish and petty reasons. Now, here I am left to savor the pain brought by the memories. Misery is left embedded in my soul dying and suffering in this chamber.

"the second hand unwinds.."

I can no longer recall the birth of this feeling I have long kept and known. Sometimes I would wish I never met you, but fate has its own way of playing the game... Will my love end or shall it forever remain? The grandfather clock stopped ticking. My time has run out.

"If you're lost, you can look and you will find me, time after time. If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting. Time after time..."

When will you bring roses?I wish you would send me the white ones. Three white roses to symbolize that once in your life, a person like me existed although her existence remained unseen and unnoticed. I f you have the time, do visit me before they bury me six feet underground. I shall forever carry with me your acknowledgment after you have dropped those roses on my coffin.

You know what? I wish they would dig deep deeper so that there, I might find the rest and salve from the consuming anguish of your rejection of my love. They said it was stupid to die for love... But hey, I thought I was Juliet who chose eternal slumber for her Romeo.

I know you are just somewhere, probably in the arms of another girl you love.

"I'll be waiting, time after time."

Visit me anytime. Feel free to come and talk to me if ever she broke your heart. If you needed someone to ease that pain inside, whisper my name into the sky. When you feel the wind kiss you and envelop you in an embrace never wanting to let go, that is the time you know I am beside you. At least, that is the only way I know to show how much I love you. When the leaves on the trees form a circle on top of my grave, know that I have forgiven you and am blessing your relationship with her...

"I will be waiting..."

This is eternal love.